|
|
|
I completely stole this from another car related site. But it's pretty good, and I'm just lazy.
The thread starts out in a FOR SALE FORUM:
For Sale: French Rifles, cheap. Never fired! Dropped once.
Then a creative fellow chimes in with this:
The Complete Military History of France (or as Homer Simpson calls them, the "Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys")
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's
armies are only victorious when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually
the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three "ties" in a row induces deluded
Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the formerly English Colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to the Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until
France collapses?" Then again, it is also believed that France may choose to back Iraq in this campaign, noting that the French have top-notch experience in surrendering, which will more than likely be needed by the Iraqi regime in the coming months.
--
http://www.fidalgo.net/~brook4/oilslubesfilters.html
|
|
-
|
|
|
That too was a Financial product of the French.
tim
|
|
-
|
|
|
The Galls are not the French; the Galls were driven into the British Isles by the Romans and the where they reside today as the Irish and the Scots. The variant of the Gallic name is....Gaelic. (Another variant is Celtic.) The Germanic Frank tribes became the French. The Galls and the Franks shared one trait: constant bickering among themselves. Still, I prefer Irish cheese to fromáge, though my name is French.
The ultimate puzzle of history: how did the Romans become Italians?
And how do we prevent that for ourselves: the Romans were not brought down by another superpower. They were the victims of death by a thousand cuts, inflicted by poorly organized, undermanned, underquipped, nonpolitical Gothic tribes from what today is Yugoslavia. The vastly superior Romans couldn't crush them, their technically superior weapons were the wrong tools for the job. There's already a corollary to this: the vastly weaker Al-Qaeda is alive and kicking, it's leader alive (though probably scathed), and despite the overwhelming superiority of our arms and technology we're left to defend ourselves with duct tape. The moral is this: the US has much to fear from small pinprick attacks by what we like to call 'rogue states' and non-states. And it would be best to think unconventionally about ways to beat them. B-2's and FA-18's aren't going to get the job done.
--
David
98 S70 T5SE // Black, misc mods (mostly lighting), red calipers
92 940GLE // Hella Micro DE foglights
|
|
-
|
|
|
...and aren't the Normans (Normandy et al) actually Scandinavian? i.e. Norse-men who landed and decided to stay put and be a pebble in the shoe to the continental French during the 100 Years War? Maybe my history is screwed up...
Rob Kuhlman
|
|
-
|
|
|
Norse, Latin, Danish, French, German....it's all in the English bloodline.
Not only is there a region of France called Normandy, there's another called Brittany - for obvious reasons.
Due to the constant crisscrossing of armies, and the uncertainty of the ownership of any given patch of real estate in the vicinity of the North Sea and the English Channel, ancestral trees turn into thickets when you reach the year 1066. That's when William of Normandy (who spoke French) exercised a perfectly legitimate claim to the disputed English throne, held by the German-speaking Harald. His claim was made all the more legitimate by a successful military operation.
It's just a sign of English heraldic confusion that one of the most highly regarded kings in "English" history is Knut, a Dane who ruled prior to Norman conquest. (The Normans renamed him Canute.) The current house of Tudor is of German descent.
Does this clear up the picture?
--
David
98 S70 T5SE // Black, misc mods (mostly lighting), red calipers
92 940GLE // Hella Micro DE foglights
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be Punxsutawney Phil
on
Tue Feb 25 13:05 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
The Romans left.
Two German tribes from Jutland, the Angles and the Saxons, moved in, displacing the Celts with their kilts into Scotland, Wales and Ireland.
The language that the Angles spoke was something called Angle-ish.
"English".
The Vikings ("Danes") also moved in, to the northern and eastern parts of the island. In 1066 English King Harold II first defeated an army of his exiled brother, Tostig, and Norwegian-Dane Harold III Hardraade and then turned south to be defeated by a Norman army led by William, the bastard son of the Duke of Normandy at Hastings. ("William the Bastard's" father was also known as "Robert II, the Devil of Normandy"! Colorful!) Harold, The last Anglo-Saxon King, was killed at Hastings. William claimed the Crown, and changed his name to "William the Conqueror". The Normans were Danes who had settled in northern France a few generations previously.
"When Winston Churchill wanted to rally the nation, it was to Anglo-Saxon that he turned: "We shall shall fight on the beaches; we shall fight on the landing grounds; we shall fight in the fields and the streets; we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
All thes words came from Old English, with ONE exception, the last word, surrender, a FRENCH import that arrived in 1066."
-Punxsutawney Phil
 
|
|
-
|
|
|
The Welsh were the aboriginal Britons, the ones who were there before the Gauls (Gaels), Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes or French. They are notable for creating the Stonehenge Astronomical Observatory and have created an unreadable, vaguely pronounceable language. The legendary King Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, would have been one of these folk (though the Arthurian legend, ironically, is a product of the Norman period).
Surrender is a French successor of earlier Latin forms (sur + rederre from prendere): to give over. Except in the Roman case, the other side did the giving over.
English is an immensely rich language because of its surfeit of linguistic antecedents. Thus we have multiple words with identical or similar meanings; one of German origin (Anglo-Saxon), and one of French, Greek or Latin origin. An example would be truthfullness (A-S) and veracity (L).
Today, the language that is most like Anglo-Saxon, a mother tongue for both German and English, is the dialect spoken in Friesland. (My wife's ancesters are Friesländer.) The Germans and English, though they may not at the moment share many political sentiments, share a great many words such as and::und, day::tag (in the early forms, the g was pronounced like our modern y), or holy::heilig (as in sig heil).
--
David
98 S70 T5SE // Black, misc mods (mostly lighting), red calipers
92 940GLE // Hella Micro DE foglights
|
|
-
|
|
|
If the Brits were really brits, here's what the king's British would look like (because it wouldn't be English): http://www.bbc.co.uk/cymru/
|
|
-
|
|
Agreed. Know the enemy.
Rome died from the inside AND 1000 pin pricks.
Were they Italians in Constantinople?
I wouldn't have minded being a contemporary with Joan D'Arc....and perhaps dating her. Oh sorry too many movies.....
Can't eat cheese, screws up my qi. Bad.
--
www.fidalgo.net/~brook4
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be MittenHed
on
Tue Feb 25 02:52 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
A good friend just told me that his nearly-grown daughter has just bought a Peugeot. Sacre Bleu!!! As the only breathing person around who has survived Peugeot ownership, I have been consulted. Not too grim. May only need pads, rotors, a water pump and a steering rack. Anticipate many miserable hours in black fly season convincing the thing to run. Almost enough to make one stop talking to other people.
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be Punxsutawney Phil
on
Tue Feb 25 13:49 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
Like you, I worry about my daughter a lot, and you should tell your friend that there's no safer car than a Peugeot that's parked inertly in mom and dad's driveway!
She could have two. This gem with 94,000 miles is currently at $200 on e-bay. Hurry!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2405064396&category=6388
It is in New Jersey, however. Note the description.
Vehicle Description
Rare 505 turbodiesel. Runs and drives great, however needs some work. The problems are mostly fluid leak, and it runs a bit rough when first started in cold weather. But hey, it's a diesel.
-leaks some oil from the timing cover and oil pan gaskets
-leaks coolant externally from head gasket, a very common problem on these cars. This does not effect the operation of the car at all. You just need to top the coolant off every week or so.
-leaks transmission fluid. I'm not exactly sure where on the transmission but I believe it may be the pan gasket.
-leaks power steering fluid (minor) from where high pressure lines connect to rack. Needs washers/seals. Nothing wrong with the rack itself.
As far as interior/exterior shape, it's pretty obvious it needs paint. The body however is very straight and only has a couple of minor rust spots. The underbody is totally rust free. The interior is in good shape except that the headliner is missing.
As far as accessories. Everything except the cruise control works. I think it needs a new axle speed sensor. The A/C worked great this summer (converted to 134a) but must have developed a leak somewhere because the refrigerant is all gone. Probably an o-ring since they're all original.
There is also a trunk filled with spare parts included. An extra taillight, alternator, water pump and a bunch of other odds and ends.
-Punxsutawney Phil
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be R Ludwick
on
Wed Feb 26 18:26 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
I thought you were joking....the scary part is that the thing already has 2 bids on it.
--------Robert
|
|
-
|
|
|
They forgot one, the defeat of the French on the Plains of Abraham in Quebec City by the English.
--
Warren Bain - '99 V70GLT G-Valve > 70K mi, '96 965 >110Kmi Wifemobile near Manassas Va.. Check the 700/900 FAQ via the 'features' pull down menu.
|
|
-
|
|
|
Did that count as battle?
--
www.fidalgo.net/~brook4
|
|
-
|
|
|
Not really. Maybe a minor skirmish.
--
Warren Bain - '99 V70GLT G-Valve > 70K mi, '96 965 >110Kmi Wifemobile near Manassas Va.. Check the 700/900 FAQ via the 'features' pull down menu.
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be MittenHed
on
Tue Feb 25 02:35 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
Wasn't that part of the Frenchanindiana War? The one where the guys walked up from Maine dragging their boats with them? Damn, but I've driven through there, pretty nearly along the route that they took, and seen frost in August. Those guys walked through in the winter. Must have been some tough old Yankees, eh?
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be Punxsutawney Phil
on
Mon Feb 24 23:56 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
More (the link is to Twincities.com):
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/living/5233002.htm
My favorite French battle occurred in WW-II, at Mers el Kebir, when the BRITISH Navy steamed in and attacked and sank the FRENCH fleet!
-Punxsutawney Phil
|
|
-
|
|
|
Q: What do you call a Frenchman heading for Baghdad?
A: A salesman.
Gawd I'd hate to be French right about now...don't know to crap or kiss Saddam's chapped a$$.
I thought Napy was pretty good for a few victories....
--
http://www.fidalgo.net/~brook4/oilslubesfilters.html
|
|
-
|
|
|
What do you call a group of french men with their hands in the air?
The french army.
Why do french tanks have rearview mirrors?
So they can see the battle.
--
90 744ti, airbox, K/N, G-Valve, VDO, modified exhaust.
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be MittenHed
on
Tue Feb 25 09:25 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
What were those imortal words of Napoleon's? My army hops on it's stomach....
|
|
-
|
|
|
I must point out that Homer Simpson is not the character responsible for the quote. It was Groundskeeper Willie, substituting as a French teacher. Epsiode Production Code 2F32, 'Round Springfield.
Bart: [walking into nurse's room] Lunch Lady Doris? Why are you here?
Doris: Budget cuts. They've even got Groundskeeper Willy teaching
French.
Willy: "Bonjourrr", you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!
Please don't call me any names for knowing/looking this up. I know I'm pathetic....
-Eric
|
|
-
|
|
|
Too good. Thanks for keeping the facts on the table.
--
www.fidalgo.net/~brook4
|
|
-
|
|
|
LOL Where did you find this information on Simpsons episodes?
--
1988 760Tic - 154,000, 1966 M-B 230 sedan - 98,000
|
|
-
|
|
|
http://www.snpp.com/
This site has just about anything you could EVER want to know about the show. I think the folks who put it all together have waaaaaaay too much time on their hands. Of course, since I used it, I have to say I'm glad they put in the time.
-Eric
|
|
-
|
|
|
Funny stuff, but I'll just sit back and watch this thing from a safe distance.
|
|
-
|
|
|
than you know who....
quite clever and I didn't want any of my oil drinking buddies to think me a plagiarizer, right mormit?
--
http://www.fidalgo.net/~brook4/oilslubesfilters.html
|
|
-
|
|
|
Sorry, must have missed it on 'the artist who used to be the oil guy'.
"no match for a British footwear designer." Ouch!
mormit
--
85 245DL, 02 S40
|
|
-
|
|
|
The fomer artist pulled the plug on the thread - looks like molecule started his own...under "General..."
Sucks. Looks like OPINIONS on the BB is truly the last bastion for Freedom of Speech on the Web! Long live the Brickboard! Vive le BB!!
--
www.fidalgo.net/~brook4
|
|
-
|
|
|
look in items for sale
--
http://www.fidalgo.net/~brook4/oilslubesfilters.html
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be 78dl
on
Mon Feb 24 15:34 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
GO WAR DUDE, ROCK ON. Oh wait war sucks
|
|
-
|
|
|
For the record I'm not in favor of war. Any war.
The French? Why do they even build weapons, anyway?
--
http://www.fidalgo.net/~brook4/oilslubesfilters.html
|
|
-
|
|
|
So they can sell them. Word is out (heard it twice today, one time on the Laura Ingraham show) that the Iraqi plane that fired the missle that hit the USS Stark in the late 80's was flying a French-made Mirage and fired a French-made Exocet missle. some 37 US Navy personnel were killed. That's why the French build weapons.
Next question: Why do Americans buy ANYTHING made in France? Wines? Champagnes? Danon yogurt? Evian and Perrier water? Perfumes? Make-up cosmetics?
When you buy - make a different choice. Same deal with German products. Can't do that with China, 90 percent of the stuff in a non-food store comes from them.
Regards,
Bob
:>)
|
|
-
|
|
The entire heater/AC plenum in my 87 745 says "Harrison France" on it.
Its LH 2.2 injection and EZK117 ignition is made in Germany. So are its Ate brakes in the back, and the Bosch window motors. !!! What to do...
Glad I got rid of my old Puegeot!!
|
|
-
posted by
someone claiming to be alchemist
on
Tue Feb 25 17:15 CST 2003 [ RELATED]
|
|
I can't think of one piece of military hardware that the French make that actully is worth anything. oh wait, aren't the french who want to build their own fighter plane instead of the joint strike fighter? That should be a laugh.
|
|
|
|
|
