I went through a similiar episode with my 90 last winter. It's a very frustrating problem. Especially in winter when climbing under the car is the last thing you want to do!
I did a lot of research on the BB about the problem, and although I'm no expert, what you say suggests to me that the problem is probably a bad wire that isn't always passing current, or less likely, a defective OD relay that works only part of the time. Both have been known to happen.
Have you tested the wiring with a multimeter or similiar? On my car, after a lot of work, I finally found that the wire to the solonoid from the shifter box was corroded. The wire was bad on TOP of the tranny near the back where the driveshaft bolts up to it. Only found it when I jacked the car way up and searched around in there. It was very difficult to see and find! You might want to check that spot since I remember others having the same problem with that wire.
Finally, have you tested or replaced the OD relay to see if it works with a different relay? Maybe obtain a junkyard relay and pop it in to see if that changes anything. It's worth a shot and you can probably return it if that's not the problem...
Good luck,
Jim
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90 244DL 263k :)
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