Following my thread on cast iron block repair I think it's time to 'fess up y'all. Pulling a page from the online Moto Guzzi Correspondence List, Lets hear some of your most bizzare Volvo repairs and how long they lasted. The more JB weld, duct tape and safety wire involved the better.

I won't be back 'till Monday night so I expect to have some good ones to wade through.

The most outlandish, hopefully verifiable, repair wins the shade tree spannerman the title of "Grand Exalted Wingnut." No cash prizes, no dinner, no exceptions.

Cheers,
--
Erwin in Memphis, '95 855t

Ok, looks like over 200 of the responses were lost due to a technical glitch but we do have a winner.

Volvosteel takes first place. Successfully persuading a woman to give up her nylons because your car died ranks higher than fixing con rods on the side of the road with JB Weld anyday.

The coat hanger radiator repair places second. You edge out the third place finisher as marshalling steam and hot coolant rate over directing cool air.

James (broken cat) and dklap (exploded intake) are in a close tie with dklap edging for third as he actually gave up a piece of sporting gear to fix his Volvo's intake. James on the other hand almost won overall with the Mini story, but it wasn't a Volvo. Overall Honorary winner.

The Corn Flakes brake pad shims sounds like something I used to do as a teen in Panama. Getting new parts for anything there in the '70's was not possible. Especially for my Fiat.

Welding the broken shifter was not in the spirit of this contest as that could be considered a proper repair. If you'd used JB Weld or drilled both pieces for a dowel then duct taped them to death, well, you get the idea.

As far as vice grips holding the hood closed? Vice grips transmogrify into what ever failed or missing part they're replacing and therefore become permanent. Sorry. As a misdirected youth I rode a dirt bike for a year with a vice grip shifter, so there.

All in all I think we've done a good job separating the men from the other men here. Next year the stakes will be higher so go forth and fix creatively.

Thanks for playing,





--
Erwin in Memphis, '95 855t

About 8 miles from home my Mini (yes, a real one!) faded to a stop. No amount of tapping would bring its failing, faulty, fuel pump to life.

We had no parts, so we started searching the roadside for items that would be helpful. All we found was an empty oil can. (yes, oil once came in cans!)

My friend's father happened along, and since this was the only Mini ever seen around here, he stopped. We took the longest vacume hose off his windshield wipers. (yes, they once ran on vacume!)

The only other thing we used was an exhaust valve from some old car and a screwdriver.

We punched a small hole in the bottom of the oil can and rounded it out with the exhaust valve stem. Then we disconnected the fuel line from the Mini's carbueretor and ran the vacume hose from the oil can, through the dash, and to the carbureator.

Fill the can with fuel, and off we go with the Mini on an IV. The car ran better than it had for a while, except for when my buddy lowered the can a few times to get my goat. Eight miles on a quart of fuel was no big deal for the Mini!
--
3 8s & 2 7s 725,000 miles total

The rear of the cat broke off out '90 745 GL about 100 miles from home on a Sunday drive.

The only thing that was open was a lumberyard.

A foot of lead flashing, wrapped tight with coat hangars, hose clamps, and repair wire was used to seal the leak. Two joist hangers bent out straight, with coat hangers and repair wire to hold them together - for strength.

The car was reasonably quiet all the way home. Eventually the lead melted.

Epilogue - By using an extra steel ring gasket for the cat joint as a source of extra material around the break, the local welding shop was able to fix the cat - lasted for two years.
--
3 8s & 2 7s 725,000 miles total

I had a 240 that embarresed the hell out of me every time I braked. They shrieked and squealed. Put on new pads, new discs tried all kinds of spaceage anti squeak goop.... the same. Some old guy told me to put some cardboard behind the pads. I thought it would burn get wet and disintegrate. Took box of "Corn Flakes" cut out shape of pads placed between pad and puck and it worked!
They were still quiet 2 years later could not believe it.

Most probly knwo this but Nylons double as a belt, should always keep a set in the car if a belt ever breaks tie them nice and tight where the belt yousd to be and youll get to a place where you can get a real belt, i know this oh to well as it happend when i was on vacation with my wife and i was driving through New Mexcio heading to Mississippi and my water pump / power stearing belt snapped right off so i had to do a maguyver right on the side of the road.

No winner here but creativity counts.

'74 145, hood catch snaps while driving, hood lifts but no, wrinkles, crinkles or trips to the glass shop for a new windshield. Stopped at the side of the highway in winter, hood kept down with a pair of vise grips placed carefully around the base of the safety catch.

Oh, but I did have to make one trip to the bone yard to pick up a new grill, to replace the one I broke putting the vise grips on the hood safety catch.

I never travel anywhere without the vise grips and a roll of duct tape.

Several years ago, my '74 144 backfired, blowing apart the plastic bellows connecting the air -fuel control unit to the intake manifold. I sacrificed one of my nylon ski gaiters and a whole roll of electrical tape to put it back together. Ran it that way for two weeks until I could afford a replacement.

Dane (85 740 GLE)

A few years ago, I was driving a '78 240 DL which had been treated pretty badly by its previous owner...

I was turning around in the driveway, preparing to head to work, when I tried to shift to first gear and the shifter came off in my hand! Snapped clean off the little ball at the bottom.

I called my boss, explained what was happening and that I'd be a little late since I had to borrow a car to get to work (which was 65 miles away at that time), and by the tone of his voice he obviously did not believe me. So, upon arriving at work, an hour late, I walked up to the boss' desk and dropped the shifter on his desk. He believed me then.

I called around to all the junkyards, but none of them had a manual transmission Volvo of that vintage. I couldn't afford the price that the dealer wanted for a new shifter.

Anyways, our next-door neighbor happened to be not only a good friend of the family but an excellent professional welder. He came over the next day and welded the shifter back onto the little ball. The shifter worked beautifully till I got rid of the car in favor of my second Volvo about a year later.

Probably not me, but.........

Over years of owning 240's (and other type cars) I have found a small supply of wire coat hangers to be invaluable.

The upper radiator hose connection into the rad tank blew on a hot summer day. Fighting through the steam and the traffic, I found a DIY Exxon station. They were no help at all (another reason I deal with Exxon only under severe duress).

Found a coat hanger. Removed overflow tank cap. Wrapped one end of hanger around hose at upper clamp. Jammed the plastic rad connector remains into where they used to be, and hooked the other end of the hanger on something below the front bumper. Made it home - slowly.

Cruised recycle yards for a metal only rad, got is re-done in a rad shop, put it in and it ran with never a subsequest problem.

OK Your turn -

And, putting your magnetic flashlight on the roof when the headlights and alternator fail in West Texas at midnight Doesn't Count. Also, making a new water pump gasket on a Sunday in Sonora, TX out of oil field flange gasket material doesn't count, either.

Regards,

Bob

:>)