ok here it goes

i know the white relays are notorious for their factory solders cracking and such, took care of that (it bit me and i resoldered them and all was well)

my car will start and it doesnt strand me going down the road.

here's what happens: sometimes the fuel pump will not kick on with key on and engine off. this is where the relay is supposed to kick on for a few seconds to prime the system correct? mine does not. i have to push in the contact and when i hear the in-tank pump run then crank the engine, it kicks over immediately and stays contacted when i let go and will stay until i shut it off. this is usually the first start of the day, cold engine.
after the engine's warmed up it will make the contact itself, but only in the crank position, still no priming key on engine off.

i have tested the relay out of the car and when power and ground are supplied to pin 85(power) and 86/2 (ground) it clicks over just fine. when in the car i have tested and found that 85 (power from ign) has battery voltage and pin 86/2 (ground) there is no ground continuity. so i checked the grounds this circuit is connected to: intake grounds, battery, ground strap to engine to frame. am i missing a ground or two?

so by my meager calculations, the control unit is not supplying a ground to the fuel pump relay in both the key on, engine off position, or for the first start up of the day. but it does supply ground on a warmed up engine but only in the crank position of the key.

any ideas? sorry for the length...