Ok, you won't believe what the issue was all along...we'll just say it was cleverly hidden.

Anyways, I put in the fuel relay and the car still wouldn't start. I then noticed the battery seemed low, so I jumped the car. With the jump the car started straight up. When I took off the cables, the car died. I took off both battery leads and cleaned them and put them back on. Same thing, the car wouldn't start, but would when jumped. I was thoroughly perplexed, so I walked back inside work and mentioned in passing to a shop guy what I was going thru. He said he had once had a Volvo that did the same thing. He said the little red wire coming off the side of the positive lead was loose and causing it not to start. I said, no way, why would that little wire have anything to do with it - I've never seen any other car with an "important" accesory wire.

Sure enough, that little damn wire apparently controls the spark/ignition of the car. It had built up corrosion that was pushing it away slightly from the lug, just enough to cause an intermittent connection. So even when the car would start on its own, the vibration would cause it to shake a bit and the car would die. I cleaned it up thoroughly and clamped it down real good. Car runs fine now.

So warning to all who have starting problems, CHECK THE ACCESSORY HOT WIRES - THEY'RE NOT ACCESSORIES AFTER ALL!!!! :)