Ha!
Here's my story. I bought a 96 turbo wagon two years ago and this is what I have so far had done:
rear main seal
new clutch (didn't really need it, but he was in there anyway replacing the seal)
timing belt
water pump
fuel pump
several suspension parts
seized brake caliper
major tune-up (replaced all fluids)
abs computer repair

here's what still needs to be done:
a/c not working properly
rear wiper mechanism is seized
both headlight wipers not working
needs new pads and rotors
needs new tires next spring

I have invested so much money into my car that it is not worth selling at this point, but more importantly, it is the best car I have ever driven and I can haul tons of stuff around along with my wife, two kids and a dog. It's been said before; if you want reliability, go buy a Toyota.