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Perhaps some of you volvo-philes were fortunate anough to give or recieve one of the solid chocolate 700 Volvos offered for sale in the Chirstmas season. I saw them in the IPD catalog and decide to give one to my uncle in-law, a fellow volvo enthusiast. Just to be safe, I ordered two and put the spare in my freezer.
Well I finally gave into a chocolate craving a last week, and decided that it was time to have some volvo. I unwrapped the heavy 744-series block of cacao and sugar and pondered the best way to break off a piece. Being in my kitchen I did not have a hammer on hand or similar heavy bashing object on hand. Looking at the long sedan-shaped piece of oregon dessert, I figure I could just grasp the trunk end and smash the hood and nose against my solid wood (no MDF in my house) counter top - thus breaking the grill and lights from the front and giving me the object of my craving.
It my help you to know that I'm a trained archaeologist. Among the many things I'm trained in is lithic artifact anlaysis. A major component of this training is rudimentary understanding of the fracture characteristics of certain types of cryptocrystaline material, namely chert, obsidian, flint, and others. It may be easier to say it this way - I'm trained in flintknapping, the same skill set people around the world have used for 1000s of years to create usefull tools (like arrowheads and knives and spearpoints) from pieces of rock. Given this training, I figure that I can best this big block of chocolate volvo.
MUCH easier said than done.
Grasping the car and swinging with what I thought was sufficient force
-whack-
I succeeded in doing nothing except slightly bruise the corner of the fender.
Huh, I think. Must need more force than Obsidian. I lift it a bit higher and exert more force.
-Bash-
Still no break. The corner is ever so slightly crumpled, small chocolate particles have appeared. Nothing to satisfy my craving. More force is needed
-BAM!-
Nothing? This is harder than Chert for sure
-THUNK!-
What the heck... Is this Chocolate or Granite?!
-SMASH!-
Swedish engineering in chocolate?
-CRASH!-
There must be something intrinsically "strong" about this shape?
-WHACK!-
Nothing?!?!!??! Maybe I should go beat it against one of my own Volvos?
Here's where the power of the Volvo design becomes apparent....
Something is not quite right in my kitchen. I clear away the light powder of chocolate volvo on my counter and notice two large dents in my counter. They match the volvo. Yes... The Volvo is stronger than my counter top.
I have succeded in actually breaking my counter with a block of swedish-designed chocolate.
I finally give up and go get a hammer.
5-pound lump-hammer vs. 1-pound chocolate volvo.
-CRUNCH-
Yes, I finally win... but at what cost???
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1967 P220 Amazon, 1972 145S, 1976 245 DL, 1983 245 DL, 1986 745 GLE, 1990 745 GL, 1995 945....
You mean to tell me that Volvo makes cars that are *NOT* Wagons?!?
1971 P1800E... Not a wagon, but it's just a donor car for the Amazon..
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