Community Forums:

"A cannibal passed his friend in the jungle?"

He obviously didn't know squat.

1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you
   can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
   
   
   
   
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
   behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
   two weevils.
   
   
   
   
3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the
   man who shot my paw."
   
   
   
   
4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over
   the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny
   hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the
   hollandaise."
   
   
   
   
5. A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no
   charge."
   
   
   
   
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend
   dental medication.
   
   
   
   
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
   tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
   "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
   
   
   
   
8. A doctor made it his regular bit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his
   habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of he work day
   approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together
   a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink
   and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied
   the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
   
   
   
   
9. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was
   sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the
   man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
   
   
   
   
10. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least
    one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
    
    
    
    
11. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a
    wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's
    very simple. You're two tents."
    
    
    
    
12. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal."
    The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom.
    Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband
    responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."