Thanks for all your help on this. I eventually(!) succeeded with Bulletproof's suggestion of going through the rear armrest access from the trunk. Rube Goldberg would have been proud. But I got in and got my locksmith to make me a door key -- and (but of course) it doesn't work in the ignition.

So this weekend's task is to figure out how to extract the ignition tumbler without a key -- meaning without unlocking the steering column. Can this be done? Destroying the ignition tumbler is also an option -- I'm getting desperate to move this thing before the neighbors lynch me -- but I don't know if that is really feasible either.

And it seemed like such a good deal...

Any tips at all would be greatly appreciated.