OK, I didn't write it. Somebody sent it to me (Andy, maybe?).
I've never owned an English car but a guy left an MG Midget with
me for a month once and asked me to drive it every day.
For the first 2+ weeks I slammed the door on my elbow every
time I got in it!! I finally learned to cross my arms when I shut
the door.
I haven't ever smoked cigarettes on a regular basis (thank God!)
so I haven't got any hidden and the only Zippo I have is a tape measure
(neat item!!) but it doesn't need fluid.
The car awaiting resurrection to driveable status is the yellow peril,
my 73 145E that uses a quart of oil every 40 miles. Don't hold your
breath, but it may be this year.
I don't have any Whitworth sockets either but have used them on friends'
motorcycles in the mid to late 50s. (Remember the Road Rocket,the Gold Star,
the Square Four, and the Black Lightning?)

I put it in because I thought you guys would get a kick out of it or
maybe even identify with parts of it. Obviously many of you did!
--
George Downs, The "original" Walrus3, Bartlesville, Oklahoma