I feel for ya. Guess a preacher might have license to do darn near anything as long as he sees it as his sacred duty.
Soldering wires requires absolute cleanliness. No oil residue or corrosion on the copper wires. Might be easier to join the wires with crimped connectors in your case.
I've never seen a metal valve cover gasket. I HAVE seen all-metal head gaskets. A sealer isn't a bad idea at all. Composition headgaskets are my preference.

Isn't Hot Springs Arkansas an old gangster hideout/resort? Maybe you could hire some muscle to come down and take the nickel tour, with axe handles and chains? I bet nothing short of that will get you a refund under these circumstances.
Best of luck.