I like XemodeX, but throwing money at a problem without knowing the cause is not the way to go. Unfortunately, dealers also don't know much about the tranny.

Is the hard shift related to temperature? Check the fluid level and color - do it when the engine is cold and idling so you can use the cold side of the dipstick. Remember, yours uses 3309 ATF if you need to add or flush.

Does it shift hard in every gear or just 4-5?

When was the tranny software updated last? There were a few updates mandated by the factory for the 2003 models.

An XC60 could be fun....
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My back feels better when I sit in a Volvo seat