Hello All:

1967 Volvo 122S wagon. I will try to make this as entertaining as possible.

FADE IN: EXT. BACK ROADS IN WESTCHESTER COUNTY, NY

INSERT: "About 6 months ago..."

A 1967 Volvo 122S wagon is seen cruising along these bucolic local roads. The engine sounds happy, the driver probably even more so.

INT. 1967 VOLVO 122S WAGON

Our hero, early 40's (we'll call him JEFF) is rowing through the gears with precision, savoring the experience. The Volvo (we'll call her VIRGINIA) responds to his input with zest. These two have been together for years. We now see through the windshield that VIRGINIA and JEFF are at a four-way stop sign. After allowing other cars through, JEFF eases into first gear and pulls away. As he shifts into second gear:

SFX: Barely audible click

JEFF heard it too. After the next stop sequence JEFF again shifts into second gear but no click is heard. He drives on, but with less outward confidence than before.

MONTAGE SEQUENCE

Over the next few months JEFF and VIRGINIA continue to tool along - sometimes he hears the click, sometimes not. When he shifts more gingerly the click is not heard, when driving more aggressively it is.

Anyone want to guess what the page 12 catalyst is?

Last Tuesday Wendy was sitting in stop-and-go traffic for quite a while on her way to Manhattan. She realized at one point that any time she would get above 5 MPH the car would start to shudder. She thought it might be due to the roadway on the West Side Highway which has some strange grading, but after arriving at her destination it persisted. She called me and I came and drove the car and confirmed the feeling that something was making the seats vibrate and you can also hear it - a rapid thump-thump-thump that almost sounds like a flat tire but it is not. There also have been some rattling metal sounds like the Ghost of Christmas Past but that comes and goes. Some tests performed:

It does NOT happen with the car stopped, idling in neutral - regardless of RPM. This does not appear to be engine-related.

Suddenly activating the clutch while the car is moving and in gear diminishes the sound and vibration to a great degree though not entirely.

It still happens with the back wheels lifted off the ground and the car engaged in gear with similar throttle input to recreate the condition in its unjacked state.

Still with the rear wheels jacked up, it does NOT happen with the car turned off and the gear box in neutral when I turn the rear wheels as fast as I can using my hands.

I crawled underneath and performed an inspection of the prop shaft, etc. I really have no idea what to look for - nothing is flapping around or otherwise suspicious. After six years of happy ownership I would hate to finally go to a professional shop to fix this. Of course, I will do it if I have to but I was hoping one of you geniuses would have a lead on solving this mystery. Thank you in advance for your script doctoring. I want this film to have a happy ending.

BONUS POINTS: What film genre does this script fall into?

Cheers,

Pooch